So over the past 4 months now I have been looking for a full-time ministry position at a church and frankly it seems to be going no where fast. Churches are notoriously slow at choosing pastors to the point that I oftentimes get impatient and pessimistic about the whole thing wondering why in the world I spent $100,000 on an education only to work construction. But, in the middle of this time God has been doing great things and it is one of those desert times in my life where God is speaking loud and where I am being molded and shaped into who he wants me to be.
Maybe the most important thing that God is teaching me is identity and he is teaching me about keeping my identity in Christ in check. I don’t know if you experience this but I know a lot of people who, after being hyper-involved in various ministries and being so entrenched in what they sooner or later become defined by what they do rather than who they are in Christ. So, what happens when full-time ministry becomes difficult or worse yet, removed? First, I person starts to feel like their world is collapsing around them and the gusto for life and purpose for living is removed. The second thing that happens is depression. Because life was wrapped around ministry rather than on Christ their lives become miserable and he or she feels devalued.
What God has shown me is a kind of renewed understanding of what it means to find all purpose, identity, hope, and passion in Christ. Honestly, I was the hyper-involved ministry guy and ministry became an idol. While this awkward spot of life is not easy I am certain that God has used it and that it was I lesson I needed to learn; and I am happy to learn it before stepping into full-time Christian service. Now, I will be praying for God to open doors at a church somewhere and I will continue to focus on Jesus being confident that he is in control of all of this and that he is what matters most.
